"Take the good, you take the bad"

"You take the good,
You take the bad,
You take them both and there you have the facts of life.
The facts of life.

There's a time you gotta go and show
You're growin' now,
You know about the facts of life.
The facts of life.

When the world never seems,
To be living up to your dreams.
And suddenly you're finding out,
The facts of life are all about you.
All about you.
You-u-u-u,
A-ll about you.
It takes a lot to get em right,
But you're learnin the facts of life.
Learnin the facts of life."

Do you remember this show? It was one of my favorites, and probably still is my fav tv show. Lessons upon lessons learned that at one time could be related to real life. Looking back, doesn't it seem as if life was much simpler during that period of time? Smurfs, Care Bears, Growing Pains, Rainbow Brite, GI Joe, Mr. T and after school specials are random things that I miss. Especially now that I have listened to the music my much younger sister is akin to listen to and sing. Growing up then seems to have been much easier than with all of the choices that teenagers are faced with now. These may seem to all be rambling but in my head, they do have a point and all come together somehow, though I'm not really sure how to explain the connections.

It's true that I am now 30, but I still feel like I have quite the growing pains. This past week, has been quite rough and I keep telling myself it will get better- just not quite sure when or how. Once again, I cried my entire way to work (which took my one hour 7 minutes in the car plus my twenty minute walk). For some reason unbeknown st to me, the feelings of guilt have arised yet again. As I'm walking to work, over the bridge I'm reminded about a day Josh and I had spent exploring campus- it was really hot out and I was a bit cranky and asked to go home because I was hot, hungry, sweaty and thirsty. Plenty of days like that came up and I do wish I could go back and fix those to not have been so cranky and to have been more spontaneous and fun. Additionally, the course I'm taking reminds me of him and his pursuits and again I want to go back in time to be able to better show him that I did support his dreams and did know his dreams and goals. I'd also like to turn back the clock to when we moved to Connecticut and back here and to have not been as depressed as I was in order to show him "the old me" or as in his words "the one I fell in love with". It doesn't matter as for as far as my knowledge, he has a girlfriend and has moved on with his life so I really should no longer care. Yet, that isn't quite how my heart and brain work.

Speaking of the brain, I am definitely getting challenged in the undergraduate course I am taking. I figured after grad school, an undergrad course would be simple. Man, was I wrong. The class itself isn't hard or that much work to partake in, it's just that I'mhaving a difficult time remembering the equiations and making sure tha tI have debits and credits right. For the next few days, I think I'll be dreaming about debits, credits, t- accounts, and journal entries. The first of six quizzes is next Wednesday and I really want an A so tomorrow night I will hav eot block out sometime to study. Saturday, I won't be able to since I will be attending a wedding. I'm a little nervous and I'm wondering if this wedding is possibly one of the many reasons I've been unusually sad. This will be first wedding I will attend as a "single" person and I am sure many memories will come back, many from our own wedding and weddings that we have been to; it also doesn't help that the wedding is in a close town of the school where I completed my undergrad (where most of the time was spent with Josh). It will be a very challenging experience as I don't know anyone going but I'm hoping it will also make me stronger.

Anyone in the medical field want to explain to me why I just recieved a bill from an appointment I had two years ago with a doctor in Connecticut? Another surprise that doesn't help ease the pain at all. Even though, I think we should all be done very soon!

All right, I think I've rambled enough today.