Ever want to switch spots for a day?

Random Ramblings for the day

As an "introvert", I tend to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself while watching others. Most of the time, I'm pretty okay with doing this as I learn a lot about myself and people in general. However, there are times where I wish I could say what I'm thinking. I remember in grad school, my adviser told me that I might want to think about switching to a different career path because quiet people aren't smart. Right at that moment, I wanted to tell her how frustrated I was with her comment, and just because someone doesn't happen to say what is exactly on their mind, does not make them "dumb". In my life, most of the quieter people I know are actually more intelligent than those that are more outspoken.

Of course, I didn't say anything except that I enjoyed my assistantship and felt this was the right place for me. I wanted to tell her that I was tired of hearing Minnesota was only farm lands and that there was no diversity and that all we did was go to church and eat lefse. Come on? A graduate school professor who had never left the northeast and preached about multiculturalism, truly believed that every person in the state of Minnesota was caucasian, we all lived on farms, and spoke funny. The look on her face was priceless when I told her that I would be working for the Department of American Indian Studies at a college in Minnesota. So, I guess with her false beliefs, I shouldn't have been so hurt by the comment, but I was and questioned my intelligence. I know I'm not uber intelligent but I also know that I do have some brains and do use my brains to help people.

Two years after that conversation with my adviser, I was the vice president of the Counseling Society Association and spoke at our graduation banquet, I had done my boss's job while she was on maternity leave (which I absolutely loved, I was able to work with students, give presentations, and work on a passion of mine: substance abuse prevention) and had the respect of others in my places of work and school. The adviser never apologized for the quiet=not smart comment, but she did say she was surprised at how much a quiet person can accomplish. I still hope that she is not crushing other quiet people's dreams and that she has become more open to learn about different styles of personalities. To work with people in the type of setting I had imagined, a person can be quiet, or outspoken, the person just needs to be empathic, amiable, and detail oriented.

Over the weekend, I've had a few other more extroverted people make comments about some of my friends being not intelligent because they don't talk as much others. This made me pretty upset because the person she was speaking about is actually both book smart and common sense smart, and it just reminded me of all the times that I've heard quiet people don't talk because they don't have anything to say. The last comment couldn't be further from the truth, some quiet people are afraid to speak because they don't know how people are going to react, some quiet people are just shy and it's hard for them to talk, other quiet people want to hear what others have to say, especially before making judgements about others.

Even though these type of comments frustrate me, there are times that I wish I could say what I'm thinking. Often times, I'll be thinking a comment and about 30 minutes later, someone else will say a similar comment and people will be like "good idea" or something to that affect. During those times, I do kick myself for not saying anything. Most of the time I'm okay with my "quietness" because I'm learning by observation, and one can learn a lot by watching how people talk, react, move, etc.

The one area that I really wish I could be more forthright about is my feelings. I'm a pretty open person, and honestly many things that bother other people doesn't bother me, but that also goes the opposite way as well. Some things that wouldn't bother others, makes me sad or frustrated. For me, this is most applicable to my relationships (with friends and significant others). My friends will discuss their emotions and tell me things that bother them about their significant other or friends and how they got angry and told their friend or significant other off.

I've never really told anyone off and don't really want to, but sometimes I do wish I had the "guts" to explain my feelings. Just this evening, I had a conversation with the boy (well with him talking and me just sitting there) about how it's hard for him (understandably) to know if this is going anywhere because I don't communicate so he can't really get to know me very well. And this is very true, I'm good at listening, and people will talk to me because they know that I won't say anything to other people and that I won't judge what they are saying. But shouldn't I be able to tell the guy I'm dating how I'm feeling and what's going on in my head? Yes, I should- but for some reason, I can't. This is something I really need to work on, but how?

I guess that's the end of my ramblings for today. So for you "extroverts" out there, would you want to be an "introvert" for a day and vice versa?