First Thanksgiving

It's been quite awhile since I've written in here- things have been quite hectic as of late. Though, not much has changed. I'm still keeping busy which is unfortunately what I do when there are things that I really don't want to face- I end up running away. Every night and every day of the week, I have something going on and I tend not to get home until 1-3 am every morning (and no, I'm not out partying). The busy-ness does it make quite hard to find a place to live, especially when I'm already having a hard enough time with two cats and a dog.

My class is going all right, well, not as good as I would have hoped. Until the last two weeks, I was getting a B+,now I'm down to a C+. That would be my first C ever, and it scares me. Why in the world did I take an accounting class "for fun" and why did I take it for grade and not for audit? I have no idea, I think I had some marbles loose at the time.

In other aspects of my life, today is Thanksgiving which I had been dreading. It's the first one in ten years that I was not with Josh and one of only two that had not been celebrated with his family. I really wasn't sure how I would react and thought I would have probably spent the entire day crying; especially since my family is not very traditional and I miss the traditional meals and sitting and talking at the dinner table. Though, I was dreading the day- it ended up being all right- I took a very well needed three hour nap, spent some time playing Ligretto with my mother, sister-in-law and nephew, went to a movie with a good a friend and spent the majority of the day texting others. It's amazing how many people I have met just because of the separation/divorce with Josh and how incredible each of these people I have met are. Many of them are going through the same things, but they have kids which makes it even harder. My prayers go out to them as I know today was a rough day for many of them.

With Thanksgiving arriving, I was reminded of the letter that Josh's mom sent. It took me a good 2 weeks to finally open the envelope. I was so scared that there would be some mean comments that would make me feel even more guilty (which I am finally starting to overcome). Why I did this, I have no idea, I decided to open the letter while at work. Even though, I often complain about working by myself- I was very thankful in this instance. I ended up crying while working for a good three hours. In the letter she had apologized for waiting so long to write, but that it was very difficult for her because of how things ended and how she had hoped and thought that Josh and I would have been able to find our way back to each other. She had also stated that she had recently told Josh that she really believes there is a reason we were married for such a short time and that there was a reason we were in each other's lives. The part that meant the most to me was when she said that I would always have a special place in her heart. All of the tears flowed out of my eyes because of how heartfelt the letter was and how much I miss talking to her. I miss the casino days, I miss the talks about the future, I miss all of her teaching stories, and I miss her opinions. Someday, I hope we will be able to see each other agaign. The same wish I have for Josh. I'm finally starting to realize that he was probably right, we are quite different from each other and want different things out of life, but I do still miss him and hope that one day he can forgive me and that we can be friends again. Even though, I do miss him and would like to communicate- I have learned a lot over the past six months and have finally have been able to become the real me which unfortunately I hid a lot in the marriage.

It's getting late and my words are starting to be mumble jumble. I hope everyone had a great day today!

and so goes the worrying

For awhile I had been pretty proud of myself as I use to be a constant worry wart about the most random items. For the past five months, I had started to worry less. Until this weekend.