Time has flown by....

Wow, it's been a while since I've written in here and I would like to say it is because things have gotten much better. It's been a little better, but not quite as much as I had hoped. The dang accounting class kicked my butt, and I spent quite a bit of time studying and not staying in contact with friends. On Friday, I had six text messages from friends saying they thought he/she were on the low priority of friends last. For pretty much all of December, every single day was taken up by studying....yep, some people thought I was crazy- going completely insane for a class that doesn't count towards anything and that I was taking for fun. I now know why people thought I was a little loony for taking an accounting class "for fun". My brain is not wired in that arena. I have no idea how, but the month of solitude helped me pull off a "b". Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be so excited for a B! All I know, is that I will not be stepping into an accounting class anytime in the near future.

Since my accounting class is over and I'm no longer a complete nutcase (yes, still a little tendencies but at least not 100 percent) i will be trying to get back in touch with my old friends that prior to December I was talking to on a regular basis (you guys know who you are and I am completley apologetic and truly sorry for not being able to catch up with you guys. Late today, I will be calling a bunch of you to catch up.

In terms of the divorce, I'm still trying to mend myself and I've realized it's going to take a lot more time than the alloted year. On December 15th, which was a year from the actual day that Josh decided never to return home, I spent the day at a pub crawl (josh would never picture me at one of those). It wasn't a typical get sloshed pub crawl, it was more of a spend your day with good friends while dressed up like reindeer- it was actually quite fun and I had one friend who spent the entire day with me. He was really kind and said that he knew this would be a tough day for me and wanted to be with me all the way until midnight.

The holidays were a lot easier than I thought they would be, I spent the time housesitting and on Christmas Eve spent the day trying to bake (accidentally almost burned down the house- backing/cooking- not one of my specialties and now I know of a dog that actually knows how to turn a stove on- not good, in my opinion). After lots of little freak-outs, I ended up going to a friends place, who is Jewish, and on Christmas Eve watches horror movies. A couple of us went over there to spend time with friends. Christmas day was spent with family and a good friend and New Year's was spent with family and lots of good friends. Even though, this past year has been a pretty awful experience, I'm still trying to learn from the experience and take away all of the positives such as the new friends I made and the old friends that I still have. In order to continue healing, I am beginning a DivorceCare class next Tuesday. I'm taking it with a couple of my "new" friends and am hoping it will help shed some light on things and help me in some areas that I definitely need some guidance, such as dating.

Speaking of dating, I told myself and I wouldn't date until December 15th and kept to that promise with the minor exception of the guy that I went on a few dates with and then ended up finding out he has a girlfriend. He and I have actually become quite good friends because of the instance, but that wasn't such a great experience and a way to get back in the dating world. After the 15th, a friend who asked back in July, took me on a wonderful date and we've been on quite a few since but there are so many things I don't understand. He told a couple good friends, and myself how interested he has been in me since we became friends and how happy he was that we were friends first but he says things that make me go hmmmmm....
One of the groups that I am involved in is a singles group, and last week in a conversation in regards to the group, h etold me I wasn't single, yet two days later in another conversation he says that he's inviting me to a vacation (that he actually invited to me before all of this "dating" stuff) as someone he is dating, but not seriously, though. I have no idea what to do, and he keeps talking about other potential interests. If we are not serious, I don't care but if he is classifying me as not single, then it is a different story. Unfortunately, I don't work that way, then on a different night, we went to meet some of his friends and after we left, he was quite frustrated with how quiet I am. I tried explaining to him, that's just who I am, but the conversation seemed just as though I was talking to Josh and wasn't fun enough or talkative enough again. Oh well, I tried and now know dating isn't for me and that I still have a lotof healing left,

Tomorrow, thought it is late in the game, I am going to start working on my new year's resolution (of course, one is similar to a lot of girls- lose weight!. I lost a lot of weight between the separation and divorce and have now gained it all back so this time, I would like to healthily lose the weight and tone up a bit. More resolutions for tomorrow.