It really is an emotional roller coaster

Today I was reading an article that was passed on to me regarding Emotional Rescue for divorces and it states:

"Even if it was relatively brief, your marriage was an important part of your life. So ending it is going to be painful.........Aside from the death of a spouse or child, the end of a relationship is the most stressful and emotionally painful of life's experiences. Divorce affects every single facet of your life from finances to material possessions to accommodations. But during the initial stages all of these take a backseat to the emotional losses of love, security and the myth of "happily ever after".

"Many people who have gone through divorce say it's like an emotional roller-coaster ride: one day, you feel depressed and guilty, the next, angry and vengeful; and the next hopeful and calm. Sometimes you experience al these emotions in a single day. Little things can trigger surprisingly intense emotions: hearing a song on the radio, finding an envelope of holiday pictures, mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs."

For me, all of this rings true and it was kind of nice to read to help me realize that just because Josh has already moved on and is dating doesn't mean that I'm crazy for still being sad, hurt, angry and guilty. It also came at a good time because once I was out the door from work and in my car the fountain of tears sprouted once again. This week has been quite the roller coaster of emotions but I've mainly been sad and the guilt has started to reappear. Today, I spent most of the evening crying because I was looking for some keys and needed to clean my room anyway and then I found some of the letters I wrote to Josh since he left, found some of the cards he had given me throughout our marriage, prior to leaving, and received some mail addressed to Mr. Mrs.

I was also upset because I'm still trying to split up some of our bills and it frustrates me that he makes over three times what I make and that I'm struggling with the bills and I really do miss talking to Josh. I really want to move out of my parents house, I miss my own space, I miss having more than one room, I hate that my cats aren't allowed out of the room but I don't know where I'm actually going to be (hopefully I'll find a new job) and if I do go back to school next year, I want to be able to save up some money. Which brings me to trying to figure out what I want to do.

Today I researched Human Resources careers. I think I would like that type of career and I think it would be a great way to utilize my teaching and my counseling skills. I started looking at grad programs for Human Resources and some are just Master of Science and others are MBA programs so tomorrow my goal is to sign up for a GMAT class. I figure even if I don't go back for my MBA now, I enjoy taking classes and I miss learning so this would be a good way for me to focus on something and hopefully get my mind of Josh and maybe help me figure out what I want to do with my life. Somedays I feel old at thirty and other days I feel young. I do at least have the fact that I look much younger than my age going for me. Today, I was at the Dr's office and he asked what I was majoring in, the other week I got carded going to the MOA where you only need to be 16. I use to get upset with all of this but now I figure I'm thirty and it's a blessing to look young. Plus, if I do go back to school, possibly for my MBA noone will know how old I am :)

Goal for tomorrow: register for class, apply for new jobs, try to smile a little more, find storage keys to check on paintings, write thank you letters.