Roller Coaster of Emotions

Aaah, all I want is one day that something positive happens. I'm about ready to send a nasty e-mail to Josh. I won't though. I still want to send the letter that I wrote before just to let him know how much this hurts. I'm still struggling each day, I don't understand how a husband can walk out on a wife by using a text message, call a girl over one hundred times and still claim that it has nothing to do with another woman and that the person he "went on a "date" with" was not a premeditated plan but who knows what will happen in the future". I have my guesses. At times, I really do wish that I could be like Josh and just turn off a light switch and look at all of our memories and see that they were bad. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on which way you look at it, I can't think that way. I still believe that our memories were good ones. I still don't understand how one can go from telling his wife that they have the strongest marriage and he's so happy he married his best friend to everything the wife did was to hurt him and that she was never in the relationship in the first place. I just don't understand and probably never will. The reason why I'm thinking about it today is because some stuff happened that made me really really angry at Josh, more angry than I've ever been.

When Josh and I traded cars, Josh kept rubbing the front passenger side tire and looking at it quite strangely. I never thought anything of it until I got home and I was complaining because I had changed the oil, washed the car, vacuumed the car, filled up the gas tank etc, and I was left with a car that was completely on E, no oil change but Josh said "you should change the oil in a few weeks". Well, when I got him, my dad was telling me that Josh screwed me on the tires and that they were quite bad but they would be drivable for a few months. Well, fast forward to today when I'm on my way to church. Boom, a flat tire and not just a little flat tire, it's a blow out- completely ruined the tire flat tire. J I have to finish the story in the moring because I'm getting tired and I want this to make sense and a big adventure (not a fun one ) is yet to come in this story of the soap opera of Maryanne.