Random thoughts on Divorce

Everyone keeps saying "get over it", "start dating other people", "you'll find someone better", "he's a jerk", he's a narcissist", "you're finally free, explore, have fun for the rest of us who are stuck", "take him for all he's worth", etc. The funny thing is, these are all from people that have never been in this situation. When talking to people who have actually been through a divorce, I hear "it sucks", "I would never want to put anyone through this pain", "it will get better with time, but you will need a lot of time", "it took me 3 years to finally forgive myself and realize it was not my fault", "these are rough times, it's worse than a spouse dying because you know he/she is still here", "take at least a year off before dating", "at least you don't have children, then you would be tied to him forever", "be prepared for him to remarry, and he will, sooner than you think and quicker than you are ready". It's quite odd to get the various perspectives on how a divorce should work. Even in a relatively simple divorce, there are still so many logistics and emotions involved. I would much rather work on my marriage but it's obvious that he's done. Actually, I'm pretty sure he's dating someone he either met through the MBA program or at a party he threw. I'm still very sad many of the days, I still feel guilty for not showing my feelings more and for having a hard time transitioning to Connecticut and then transitioning back to MN. Yet, even though I'm sad, I've become very angry. Earlier, I wrote down many of the "complaints" Josh had towards me for the past 8 year and here is the unending list of why I'm extreme anger and hurt.

I'm angry or upset regarding the following items:

1) Never telling me how he felt, I guessed he was depressed in Connecticut but when I asked,he would just laugh. I would talk to his mom and my boss to try to figure things out but he always denied it.
2) Josh never coming home that Friday night- the non-existant phone call, the text message, the phrase "it's the alcohol talking".
3) Never giving me a real chance, moving into an apartment without giving us a chance for living together
4) Discussing things we were going to try and then just snapping and never actually come back.
5) All of the words that have been told about how bad a wife I was. Yes, I wasn't the traditional wife but I came home every night and gave him 100% of my heart and soul.
6) The list could go on and on. I'm especially angry about how he's treated me the past 6 months. I also really want to know, if he was so unhappy, why did he propose and then marry me in the first place.

This past weekend- why I think he's dating someone even though he asked.
Oh, there are so many more reasons I'm frustrated.


1. I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings but I haven't decided if I should send it or not.