Day by Day

This past week, I've been looking back at the past eight months and have come to the realization that even though the divorce was something that I didn't want, never would have expected, and would have done anything to reverse; it could actually be for the better. I do miss Josh quite a bit, I miss the conversations and he really was the only person that knew everything about me. I especially miss his family. Today, I went over to my sister-in-laws and there was a Snow White costume that Josh's mom had given my niece for Halloween and it made me think of her and miss our conversations and the trips to the casino. When Josh first told me he wanted the divorce, Judy had said that she would always consider me her daughter-in-law and would come visit me wherever I would go, especially if I moved to Connecticut but I haven't spoken with her since the end of April. His sister and I use to e-mail quite a bit and then in July she stopped. I understand because it would be hard to remain friends with someone that your son/brother really can't stand but I would hope that possibly some day we could all talk once again. I really did consider his family my family and I miss them. Joey's (his nephew) birthday was a few weeks ago and I wanted to send him a present but I wasn't sure how that would go over so I decided against it.

Today, I was pretty proud of myself. When I went to church, I didn't even shed a tear. I haven't cried, cried for the past month but church is usually where I do end up crying, mainly because I would start to feel guilty and then think about our wedding and the vows that we made. Now that I'm starting to think that maybe Josh was right and we weren't the best fit for each other, it's a little easier to go to church without balling. Of course, I still feel guilty for quite a few things but that is just who I am and is something I need to keep working on. As my counselor says, one day soon it will all start to come together!

I think this week, I might be having to make some tough decisions regarding work. Friday, I got in a little "trouble" at work from one of my departments and it just reinforced my want to get out this specific job. I think I have a decent shot at another one but it is less money (only 10 months/per year- would be nice to be back on a teaching calendar) and would be on the St. Paul campus. Or do I keep waiting for something that I know I will enjoy and that I can make a tad bit more money? Or do I keep this job that I can't stand and go back to school next year?? Decisions, decisions.

Oh, I got my third tattoo today! I think I like it but I am still in quite a bit of pain. It was kind of fun, telling a few people that have only known me for a few months that I got my third tattoo and each person said they would never guess I would have one. It's always fun to surprise people :) Once I get a camera, I'll post a pic.